Skip to main content


Showing posts from October, 2016

Obama, you're fired

>Trump wins the election
>comes out to make his winning speech
>he looks bored
>as he gets to the mic he stands there for a second
>all quiet
>he begins to adjust the mic
>a cough is heard in the audience
>mic is almost touching his lips now
>a smirk slowly but sure appears
>Obama, you're fired
>crowd goes fucking nuts
>Mexicans begin running back to Mexico
>liberals blowing their brains out left and right
>Hillary has a stroke
>McCain sitting in a bar sobbing while getting blown by Karl Rove
>Karl is sobbing while he does so
>Je complaining this wasn't how it was planned
>first lady causes the most boners in US history
>all is right
read more funny greentexts from 4chan

"Just different"

>16 years old
>Dumb as fuck kid who had no friends
>By that point I made peace with the fact that I was just different
>Started doing stuff to piss off normies like wearing Wrath, Natural Selection, and Retribution shirts 
>Was once sent out of school for writing a report on why the Columbine event was justified, although nothing wound up happening because it was just an opinionated paper for civics so what could they do but get mad and ignore me
>Some new girl comes to school
>She was kind of cute and she immediately got popular
>For some reason she liked me and started talking to me in class
>Once her friends saw this happening they told her about how retarded I was 
>I would've dropped the normie enraging escapades if I got her as a gf because that would've been fine by me but it wasn't to be
>She cut me off cold turkey
>For Halloween we weren't allowed to wear costumes to school
>I did anyway and went as a teacher of mine, it was one of t…

Infinity Spaghetti

>be me >21 year old beta male in 2169 >new great depression >shortage of food everywhere >everyone is hungry >go to food bank >wait in 4 hour line >see qt3.14159265359 at the counter >decide to talk to her >beta.bat engage >”Uh, h-hi” >she looks at me like i was on shrooms shitting in public >spaghetti starts falling out of pockets >everyone watching >”I-I was wondering” >qt starts screaming >everyone watching in awe >spaghetti everywhere >i run out of food bank without my food >FF 1 day

Sneaky Succ

>be me  >in the car with gf, her mom, and grandma >be "birding" or some shit  >literally driving around looking at birds >boring as fuck but gf 7/10 so yeah > in back seat while gf's mom is driving >grams in passenger seat >riding along minding my own business  >feel attention on my member  >wat  >gf is rubbing on my dick through my jeans  >hoe wtf >cumslut needs nourishment  >she whips out my jimmy, starts waxing the pole right there in the open >gf's mom and grams are clueless  >I'm panic stricken, but my gf is dead set on my meat >she initiates blowjob sequence  >dat good succ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  > jk. Feels like a warm cheese grater on my man meat >still panic stricken  >gf tells mom she's taking a nap, resting head in my lap  >make eye contact with gf's mom through rear view mirror  >her eyes penetrate my soul  >she resumes driving after an eternity  >I eventually bust my nut  >4/10 succ >eventually mak…

Ungrateful B*tch

Hi guys this is my first greentext. I've been wanting to do one for a while but never have until now
>be me
>be 17 as well as a pretty Mello chill mega beta guy
>last every relationship was shit, loved them to death but mainly just got cheated on
>dated a 8/10 redhead for like a year and half maybe 2
>madly in love with her
>new guy comes to school
>she talks about how cute he is
>being insecure and protective, this upset you
>try to blow it off
>go on a date to go see a movie but theater was closed
>went to olive garden instead
>sit in the Eclipse for a bit just kissing
*she want to fuck*
>she gets in back of incredibly tiny car
>pulls leggings down like dtf?
>be like yup and whip it out
>asks if you have a condom
>be like naw but we never use one
>she like nope not ducking
>pulls her pants up and gets out
>left in car with raging boner
>struggle with pants and go inside
>she orders cheese pizza and I order chicken marsala
>pretty disa…