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Its not ogre

CHAPTER 1 EARTH.  >The age be 20.  >I love farquadd sooo much faquuad is love faquuad is life > I live in a apartment it has a bathroom living room kitchen and bedroom  >i turned the bedroom to a farquuad temple > i pray to him every night > it was one summer evening and it was raining pretty badly so i watch all the faquuad parts in Shrek and make fun of that fucking disgrace of an ogre >the next day i was woken up by a loud noise i go out on my balcony and look i was mortified by what i saw > it was Shrek coming down like a meteorite > i go down to the parking lot seems that everybody else had the same idea because it was a screaming mess > i got to my chopper motorcycle and got out of there everybody was screaming in horror  >i kept on going >i got to the city and i took a few turns in the ally’s and to my horror Shrek was after me > Shrek yelled ITS ALL OGRE FOR YOU LAD > i knew faquuad would shield me > i got my phone out and searched on how to get a…

F*cking cheaters

>be me
>16 year old 7/10
> just got out of relationship
>5/10 friend is flirting with me
>friends ex gf
>he's over her now
>flirting a bit more
>w/e we've been friends for years prolly means nothing
>hang out with her
>she gets handsy much more than usual
>decide fuck it its worth a shot
>kiss her in private
>IMMEDIATELY kisses back
>start going hard, grabbing tits, ass, rubbing through pants
>pull down her pants and puts it in
>fucks the ever living shit out of her
>makes me pinky swear I won't tell anyone
> wat? are we 5
>fine whatever
>pinky swear
>find out she was dating someone at the time
>ask her about it
>says they only date on Fridays

How do I react to this /b/ros?

Sieg Heil?...

>be me, amerifag
>interning overseas in Austria uni for the summer >everybody so inviting, women throwing themselves at me for the first time in my life >SkeetSkeet.mov >no idea what the fuck this is all about, ask prof what dafuxup >"Ve love Americans anon! Ve wish you would all come here and be one with us!" >wut >prod this old fuck >apparently Austria has been trying to be colonized by America since the goddamn 19th century >existing government afraid of changes in Europe  >topples
>sits at length and explains >Hoping to draw intervention while America was on our high horse, Austria sent some assholes to kill Franz Ferdinand >Didn't work >Send their most astute scholar, one Adolf Hitler, to go stir the shit in Germany and get them on board >Hitler gets hella hoes and does his own thing >basically ever since then Austria has been sucking our dick >sound of Music >glocks >women for the adult film industry >MFW is this even real …

It was a rabbit

>Be me,otherwise who the fuck else
>be 26
>work at mechanic
>have a crush on girl that go to my university
>one day she come to my office
>her whole front is destroyed and a bit covered of blood
>ohshitshewhoshekilled.mp4
>"h-hey anon i...i need help"
>usually alpha as fuck but i'm worried now
>"Yhea..sure,what...happend?"looking at the front with a worried face
>"i hitted a..."
>not even letting finish her phrase that i already know she's lying
>"a bunny!i runned over a bunny"
>"that dent is..a little too big for being a bunny"
>"yha but ya know...eheh...those campaign rabbit"
>MFW i understad what happend
>she's sweating like putin in sauna
>i'm not drinking that bullshit,but maybe if i help with a wrench then i could wrench her
>"yhea sure leave it in the back parking...i'll get it for you tomorrow"
>"Oh thank you anon!" giving me a hug so tig…

Anon does the anal

>Be me
> 16 year old 7/10 faggit
> Somehow get 8/10 qt3.14
>date for 4 months
> ask for anal
> Tfw She says yes
>Tfw she wants to do it in public
>Being beta AF I agree
> we go to movie theater
>see MOSTLY empty movie
>Nigger family in front row
>We go to back row
>She pulls down leggings
>gets on dick
> feelsgoodman.PNG
> feelslikepussynotanaltho.gif
>disregard it
>think anal just feels like pussy
>she said it was in her ass so must be true
>cum buckets
>feelsgreatman.PSD
> she gets off quickly
> ANON DID YOU NOT PULL OUT
>No?
>I WAS LYING YOU WERE IN MY PUSSY
>Thatexplainsit.mp4
>Mfw I came in her with no condom
>not pregnant
>success.wav
>eventually try anal later on
>feelsdopeman.rar

Tokey Smokey

>live in apartment
>neighbors below are assbags
>constantly banging on shit and just letting their dog bark all day in between their loud ass fights
>they also fucking toke up to 5 times a day
>who knows how much money they run through weekly. Anyway
>be today
>have to study, but they are being extra loud with their fights
>also the dank smoke is wrecking my allergies
>thatsit.avi
>go to the store, get 20lbs of artichokes
>go to costume store, get gorilla costume
>head to buddies house who has a massive civil war replica cannon
>come back, unload it and roll it up to their door
>they're fighting so they cant hear shit
>don gorrilla suit and load up the cannon with small amount of powder and 6 artichokes
>light fuse, ring bell
>jackass boyfriend opens the door, beer in hand
>"the fuck do you wa-"
>stops short when he sees my cannon
>"NO TOKEY SMOKEY OR YOU GET ARTICHOKIED!"
>cannon fires
>he gets his shit knocked back

Need more submissions!

Hey guys, Nate here! I am aware the amount of posts has declined and I would like you to know I AM TRYING! I am trying my best to get QUALITY posts as soon as possible to you guys but because of school and other personal problems I am not able to do that as often! Please please PLEASE help by emailing me or kiking your Real life greentexts or funny greentexts you find on 4chan!
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