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Showing posts from August, 2016

Beta Bully

>be me, 2012
>Sophmore Year
>about halfway through the semester, been building up a crush with this 8/10 chick
>she barely knows me
>probably the most beta kid in the school, i was a really pale kid who was just skin and bones
>I still am.
>after talking with friends for a while, i decide to somehow build up courage to do it
>follow to lunch period, she's sitting down and i have her in my sights
>have a half-full small bottle of water in hand
>walk near her table, take a sip, nervous as hell
>i clear my throat to catch her attention
>she looks up and asks what i want
>Oh shit I never actually thought how I'd ask her
>"U-Uh, I would uh... I want to..."
>bottle of water is open, still has decent amount
>so nervous i can't even think straight
>suddenly throw all the water at her face, completely blinded by the liquid
>ohshitniggerwhatareyoudoing.gif
>her friends freak the fuck out and i stand frozen for a second before realizin…

My sweet julia...

>be me
>be 21
>test lasers for a living, doing well
>recently broken up with slutbag gf after 2 years
>hell froze over idk
>gave me an excuse to workout and get in great shape
>finish work on friday
>go to dinner at my families sandwich shop in the town we live in
>20 y/o qt 3.14 julia named Julia works the front counter
>after 3 years of being too pussy to make a move and not wanting to make things awkward
>get into conversation with julia and customer about weekend plans
>customer is going to theme park
>gay.png
>Julia turns to me and asks me what im doing for the weekend
>spaghetti falls out of pockets
>bush did harambe
>finally after 15 seconds tell her that im gonna be hanging out at home
>julia says "come to my beach house tomorrow, ill be there with some of my family"
>had to play it cool
>prego sauce dripping from pockets already
>being alpha af say that ill come but only if its a good time
>julia smiles and promises it wi…

The brat brother and the over-protective parents

Hey guys, ive been a long time lurker but this is my first greentext, hope you enjoy and please ignore the mistakes etc...


>Be me 15 years old

>Summer vacation so parents talk in the kitchen a lot because little time

> there's a little community summer camp in our township that I used to 
go (to which my little brother goes to now) right by the township buildings is the camp.

> ages 6-11 year olds only are allowed

>mom comes home really mad one night

>anyways she tells my dad that my little brother pretty much "cursed off his camp"

>little brother isn't so good at having friends, hell i'm super socially awkward but I have friends

>there's a dodge ball thing that they can play at the camp

> pretty much they go up to the basketball courts and play it there

>little brother doesn't take things to well ever and the worst is he brags a lot and can't back it up

>well he got hit in the foot while playing dodge ball but wouldn't go out…

3rd world problems...

South African Stories:

>be me  >white South African >fam been here since 1600's >be hungover on a sunday morning >look out of kitchen window and see naked native spread eagled on my lawn >go out and shout at him to fuck off >native jumps up and shouts "THIS IS LOS ANGELES!" >go open up my dogs and sic them on him >have fry up
Another one >be me >be 1.8m 100kg smelly prop >be the smallest of my family >be Saturday afternoon >watching rugby with dad 2 uncles 2 brother in laws and 3 cousins >in storms bleeding native >we look at him he looks at us >he does a 360 and moonwalks out of there at the speed of light. >me goes open up the dogs and sic them on him >continue watching rugby
Story was native jumped through a ladies bedroom window intent on rape and pilage. Cuts himself up and passes out. He jumps up and runs away into our house when he heard the sirens. I could hear my dogs for a good 2 minutes barking off into the distance chasing …

Drat Dad

>In 6th grade
>We have to write a fucking book report on whichever book we want >my family is poor
>can't afford booksand nobody reads
>too scared to go to the library because the librarian caught me masturbating once to a Geography textbook (I masturbated to pictures of hills and pretended that they were flat fields pregnant with my baby and the hills were the baby bump)
>go home
>ask my parents if they can give me something to read to do my book report on
>dad tries to act like a 'superdad'  >instead of fucking buying a book he goes and writes a 43 page long story about a man with a low paying job

Nominated for the Darwin Award

>be rne
>get invited to party
>sure. why not
>arrive
>everyone is drunk already
>tripping over and shit
>decide to stay for a while
>half hour later
>don't drink any booze, i don‘t wanna wrap my car around a tree/get busted by the cops
>party is starting to die down
>just as I turn to leave, someone taps me on the shoulder
>”Hey mate, sorneone's gonna play Russian Roulette right now!”
>What, where?
>“Follow me.”

Delicious cookies

>be me
>autistic 17 year old faggot
>go over to black friend's house
>his also black mom is hot as fuck
>we play vidya for a little while
>he has to go pick his little brother up, tells me I can play while he goes
>play for a while
>his mom walks in
>offers me cookies that she just baked
>fuckyeah.jpg
>she sets the tray down in front of me
>dat cleavage
>realize she isn't wearing a bra
>pop a chub
>she notices, blushes, looks away
>I grab the hot, dark mounds in front of me

Oh, Crab!

>be me
>be 21
>test lasers for a living, doing well
>recently broken up with slutbag gf after 2 years
>hell froze over idk
>gave me an excuse to workout and get in great shape
>finish work on friday
>go to dinner at my families sandwich shop in the town we live in
>20 y/o qt 3.14 julia named Julia works the front counter
>after 3 years of being too pussy to make a move and not wanting to make things awkward
>get into conversation with julia and customer about weekend plans
>customer is going to theme park
>gay.png