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Showing posts from July, 2016

Defending my waifu

> be me loving my waifu for more than a year now
> lots of memorabilia: pillow, framed posters, snow globe, coffee mug, the works
> very sensitive when someone touches anything about her
> Never thought too much of it
> just thought she was cute and liked collecting things
> one day I forget to put the coffee mug away and go grocery shopping with
> getta text from sister
> apparently she took my cup hostage
> quietly raging in my head
> we have a rule: no one is allowed to enter eachother‘s room without permission
> once in carl speed home ignoring my mom's complaints

Close call

>be me
>15
>messing around
>playing some pool/billiards with cousin
>female
>3 years older than me
>she knew I checked out her body 
>she purposely posed flirtatiously for me
>oh my...
>she tells me she remembered something
>she rushes to her room
>she asks me to come help her
>I'm the guest there, so I go with her
>she's hiding behind the door kinda
>step into her room
>the door closes
>ufuknwotm8.wav
>oh it's her
>OH IT'S HER
>she puts her finger to my lips
>it sure as hell shuts me up
>things are getting pretty hot
>getting undressed pretty fucking quickly
>she gets a condom
>"just to be safe, haha"
>sure, whatever
>go at it for about a minute
>hear her family dog barking
>assume it's nothing
>raise voice and tell it to shut up
>says she doesn't mind me getting mad
>another minute or so later of fucking
>dog starts barking again
>"DOG SERIOUSLY SHUT THE FUCK UP"
>hear …

Munchies won't go away

>be me
>be 17
>hanging out with a friend of mine
>we'll call him adam
>me and adam just got blazed after 3 hits from some good weed
>shits fucking loud
>we're sitting there watching dragon ball
>fucking laughing our asses off at nothing
>suddenly munchies
>theres absolutely no good food in the house
>its like 12:46 or some shit
>we're too fucked up to drive
>not enough money to order a pizza
>wellpinchmypenisandcallmepeter.zip
>try scavenging around the house for candy or some shit
>find a bag of cough drops

Straight from the cucksheds of r9k

>Meet a tall, reserved, artsy girl
>Somehow manage to really hit it off with her
>Eventually set up a date, she agrees
>It was awesome, don't even really care about other girls at this point
>Set up second date
>Even better than the last
>Eventually she invites me over conpletely out of the blue
>Is-this-real-lyfe.png
>Finally gonna get rid of that V-card at 20! Yay for me!
>Arrive at her house
>Compliment the appartment and exclaime it really must have cost her a pretty penny
>"Oh I didn't buy it, Daddy did!"
>Red flags all around

In Soviet Russia...

Pls niu hate am russyan lul >Be me  >26,live alone,sometimes mah sister come to stay after a break up  >solid 7/10,never feel'd anything for her  >don't feel quite well these days,damm stomach  >be a couple week ago  >sister burst into my home crying a yelling about a "fucking pig who tried to touch her"  >mfw she's not a feminist  >she cry,cry and cry  >be big brother,say"all pig,you'll find someone someday"  >"but anon...and you?i never see a girl here"  >joke on her i have vodka  >"meaby...we can...i dunno...spend more time together"

A few things I would like to say...

Things to note before reading:> The author of this post is NOT Jay or as you know him "Green text man".
> I am not an owner of this site, I am just an author to help publish stories.

My name is Nate, and I have been an author on this site to help find greentext stories from 4chan and publish them here. I have not been a very active author and would find a few stories here and there to publish, but Id say all of the credit of this site belongs to Jay, our beloved GreentextMan. 
It is a shame that Jay will not be able to continue this site full time, but that is why I am making this post. After reading the 50+ comments on Jays post about leaving the blog, I have decided that I will take up his place and try my hardest to publish greentexts that we all love as much as possible.
BUT I can NOT do this alone, I need YOUR support and submissions to keep this blog active. Like Jay said, the declining amount of stories being submitted or posted on 4chan has effected this blog GR…

End.

When I started uploading greentexts to this site back in 2013 I could choose from plenty of funny and high quality stories that were posted on 4chan every day. In fact on some days there were so many of them that I could be picky about which stories to share. However, for about a year or so it has become increasingly more difficult to find greentexts worthy of being shared. I think most of you have already noticed that the numbers of stories posted every week has decreased significantly over the last months. This has two reasons. In general people share fewer stories than a couple of years ago and if they do then most of them are short and not very entertaining. Don’t get me wrong, once in a while you still can find some gems on 4chan. But digging them up takes a lot of time which I cannot afford any more...

Cum blanket

>be me
>16 at the time
>currently laying in bed
>just smoked weed
>feelsgood.jpg
>get horny so I turn on my phone and start masturbating
>try to be quiet because my sister is staying over with her baby in the next room
>she's asleep for all I know
>don't think about it and continue masturbating
>have good climax
>feelsgood2.jpg
>cum all over my stomach
>"fuck I forgot to bring a tissue because im high"
>don't feel like getting up

5 friends

>Have close group of around 5 friends
>All is great, live with friends for while at uni, all nerds, all enjoying life, golden fucking times.
>Especially my MTGbro, skinny little dude I had been friends with since we both got held back a year due to health reasons
>One by one friends all start getting in to tumblr one after each other
>Shrug it off, I don't really understand the point of blogs, keep playing MTG with skinnybro and doing uni work.
>A couple of friends decide they identify as trans
>Cool I guess
>One by one the other 3 each apparently realise over the next 2-3 months they are all trans too, some FtM some MtF
>Cool, what are the odds huh

KYS

>be on facebook doing some stuff
>a good 6/10 who I don't remember adding messages me
>I respond back, 'cause what could go wrong?
>everything goes wrong
>We end up talking for hours and hours
>Things get a bit saucy after hours
>Ends up showing me her nudes
>feelsgoodman
>a few weeks later, we get talk a lot and become good friends
>good friends
>at least that's what I thought
>I come back home from uni to find that my account was blocked temporarily due to a simple security check (nothing too serious)
>I log back on

Into the red sea

Fucked up stories from your life.
Here we go.
>be me, 16 yr old flirty fuck
>Hanging at a my friends house with her and her friend for a few hours because why not
>dad says he wants me home, so I come home on time with one of the girls driving me
>had fucked this girl several times already, thought why not again
>bigmistake.jpg
>we're sitting in my backyard and I'm scrolling through /b/ while she's reading erotic fan fiction, then offer to fuck
>she agrees, about to get laid again
> cool.gif
>I pull a condom out of my pocket, then she says that she was on her period yesterday but it was mostly dried up by now

Pink Cotton Candy

All right /b/, this is my tale of how I pranked the school aspie and got away with it.
>be me
>be 10 years old
>unfortunately in sped because I'm not good with people.
>It's the start of a new school year so we do some dumb ice breakers game, I get paired up with a grade a autist.
>had the face of a inbred gorrila, smelled like week old cheese left out on a hot drive way and had his thick glasses strapped to his head
>I could tell from the get go three things about him
> 1. He was the text book definition of beta
> 2. he was smart with math and shit, but not really anything else
> 3. This kid had a crush on me

Woof Bark Aroooo

>be me.
>go on a stroll, headphones full volume, nothing spaciel.
>go in nerrow ally.
>in comes some fat foreigner lady, walking some dog.
>dog itself is a fucking beast, no neck, only muscle.
>walk right next to it, didn't hear the growl.
>dog snaps and locks itself on my fucking leg.
>ohshit.jpeg
>fall to the floor, screaming in pain.
>fat fuck can't pull if her life depended on it.
>try to punch it a few seconds later.
>youwontlikemewhenimangry.png
>bites me again, this tme deeper.
>a minute later, owner of dog shows up.

Muhammad Ali died

>Get invited to a birthday party with some normalfag "friends" from college
>Stacies taunt me all evening by looking at me and then giggling when I look at them
>Pull out my phone and browse 4chan
>See someone post that Muhammad Ali died
>Check the news to see if its true
>It is
>"Hey, Muhammad Ali died."
>Everyone ignores me
>15 seconds later, Chad bursts into the room
>"Hey, everyone, Muhammad Ali died!"
>Everyone immediately starts talking about Muhammad Ali
>Lose my shit
>Go off on them all about how they constantly ignore me

The graduate

HOLY FUCK
Sorry for poor English

> finally get qt virgin gf, prude but pleasant and motivated personality
> date for several months, introduced to her mother
> pic somewhat related, her mom looked just like gf but taller and MASSIVE tits
> one day her mom asks me to help out with the garden as gf leaves for work
> hot day, take off my shirt after a while
> mom eventually comes out of the house, changed into short shorts and a tight tank top with no bra
> can't help but sport a chubby
> tells me to come inside away from the sun to get some lemonade
> comply, don't even bother to grab my shirt
> put on some Ren and Stimpy , her mom comes in with the lemonade and sits next to me, and puts her arm over my shoulders

The lesbonizer

>be me
>be 21
>be fresh in the military so weekend is always escalading
>drinking with best friend
>drinking hard, hitting one bar after another
>some friends show up with grill i dont know
>shes a 4/10 not fat just ugly
>my drinking habitats make her a 6/10
>my being in the base the whole week makes her a 7.5/10
>start flirting with her
>blahblahblah shes bisexual blahblahblah
>she wants to leave, to say goodbye she wants to hug me
>while she hugs me i "accindently" hit her tit
>she smiles and says: anon i know you did touch my tit on purpose