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Showing posts from December, 2015

What you get for being a whore

>be me second year college fag
>dating 9/10 little crazy but hgnnnnn
>she goes to party w out me one night
>gets wasted and her friend calls me saying she thinks someone drugged her. Never seen her this black out fucked
>on my way she calls me again says gf is fucking some Chad and that he must have drugged her
Engage all the rage.
>was mad wigger fag in hs and on b ball team. Tight w lots of the blacks from team that now go to my college
>round up 6 /b/ros and crash party
>find gfs friend she says gf has been in a bedroom w Chad for over an hour
>bust in door and gf is taking triple Chad cocks while looking like a fucking zombie


>be me
>early teens, awkward af
>have a couple friends, one of them a meh 6/10 cringy weaboo
>the other one is a 9/10 pornstar-looking blonde
>obviously have giga crush on blonde
>weaboo girl has obvious glaring crush on me for some reason
>we'll call her claire
>claire awkwardly flirts with me all the time
>dodge all her advances, hoping blonde will magically notice me
>she goes through a bunch of dirtbag boyfriends, never giving a second though to going out with me

>claire never really takes the hint

LSD trip story

Ok here's my lsd trip story

>Be 17
>Decide to take LSD in friend's basement
>Friend tells me dealer told him to take two half tabs, and to keep it in our mouths for 15 minutes and then spit it out after times up.
>Know by this point that it is not LSD, learn that it was 25i later on.
>Decide not only to do it anyways, but to do the whole tab, and keep it for 30 minutes
>Time passes
>Mouth goes numb
>Start tripping
>Everything going well
>Laughing, watching videos
>Patterns start moving and fusing, tripping out by this point
>Fucking beautiful visuals

Beer, my Mexican coworker, and my creepy uncle

>Be me
>Socially awkward factory worker naive about the world
>Mexican coworker seems to be extremely friendly
>He suggests we hang out
>Offers to buy beer because i am only 19
>Say ok and invite him over, he brings beer
>We sit on the floor drinking because i have no furniture
>I get absolutely hammered because socially awkward and uncomfortable
>Don't remember going to sleep or anything
>wake up alone on the floor like usual
>Think the night went ok, got free beer and experienced human contact relatively painlessly

I'm coming

>be me
>score job at christian camp
>there for 3 days
>no fapping
>guy i shared the staff cabin with left to go shit or something I dont know
>remember i have porn installed on phone luckily. There was no service
>commence speed fap
>here knocking on the door as i feel myself about to cum
>tell person knocking "coming just a sec"

Suicide watch

Got a story for ya. l‘m not good at writing so bear with me.
>A girl I knew in school was a total attention whore.
>Never arrived to class on time and always made sure to make a huge fuss about it.
>Didn‘t talk to her all that much but I did have a few conversations with her
>Her wrists had cuts and burns all over them, she wore t shirts so she never hid them
>I asked her why she was hurting herself like that
>She said “No one loves me and my life is painful“ etc etc
>“No one loves you?“ What about your parents or your boyfriend?
>Answer she gave me was something like “They don‘t really love me“ or some shit

Romeo and Juliet

>be me 17 years old, last two years of high school
>really cute girl in my year which I haven't notice in years
>has short hair and a 9/10 face, literally a Emma Watson look alike
>still very good at school, not a stacy so basically the perfect gf
>most boys in my school aren't interest (probably because of short hair and social status)
>have only one class with her so I just enjoy these two hours looking at her
>always walking through the hallways to my next class a inconvenient way just to walk past her and see her for a few moments
>be fine with this for a few weeks
>suddenly it gets really bad, I get extremely sad whenever she's not around
>always depressed altough I barely know her
>finish the year staring at her all the time but never doing something

Who needs friends?

>be me, age 9
>summer time, out of school
>parents put me and my sister in summer campus club so they could drink at home and not deal with us seeing it
>be playing tag on playground
>be "it"
>go on raptor-like chase after this one ginger fucker
>fucker jumps off criss-cross shaped ladder at high end of playground
>try to jump off in a heroic manner like a fucking boss
>fuck yeah man I'm gonna look so badass
>foot gets stuck on bar of latter

The story of Sam and the VHS tapes - part 2

>Okay, so fast forward a little less than a year
>This is all about to wrap up
>No pun intended 
>At this point, I am filming a gay porno with Mark and usually some hispanic dude about once a week
>Sam has bought the office across the street
>I rarely see that chick anymore, she has a job at some hair salon now that she can't afford to travel to her old boss' new office
>Here I am making bootleg gay pornos 
>My paychecks are getting steadily bigger, presumably due to payoffs from the Mexicans
>At this point, DVDs are slowly becoming a thing but Mexicans must've been slow to the party because we still use VHS
>But I digress
>One day, I am eating dinner in the office when Sam knocks on the door and tells me he has an idea 

The story of Sam and the VHS tapes - part 1

>Living in NYC, I'm 17
>Looking for a first job, scanning through newspapers
>See a wanted ad that catches my eye
>FunShot Video assistant needed, must be good with computers
>I am fairly savvy with computers
>Decide to check this place out
>Go to the address, it's a shady as fuck office building in Manhattan
>Finally find the office for FunShot, walk in
>This is a fairly large office building filled with a shit-ton of shelves
>Shelves with VHS tapes - I mean hundreds, if not thousands, of VHS tapes
>As you walk in, on the right, there is a desk with a computer
>An older man, clearly middle eastern, is sitting at the desk reading the paper
>I introduce myself, shake his hand, tell him I'm interested in the job

Learning to rollerblade

>11 years old
>on roller blades.
>only had them for about a week. absolutely terrible on them
>start going down a hill. not very steep, but enough to pick up speed
>traffic at the bottom of the hill
>realize i don't really know how to stop, especially going as fast as i am
> if i don't stop, i am going to go right into traffic and get killed
>attempt to use brakes, but too unbalanced to do it right
>"oh fuck oh fuck"
>decide i would rather take a fall than get hit by a car


> 18, introverted, don’t really have friends, no ambitions for the future.
> Finish high school. Not interested in continuing my education
> Dad not impressed, smacks me across the back of the head and practically forces me to apply to colleges. Wants me to get a good job, become social, getalife.jpg
> I comply, and send applications around.
> Get accepted into a university abroad, roughly 5000 miles away from home.
> Fucking ecstatic!
> Family really proud of me, mom also kinda upset that I’m leaving. Dad is thrilled, probably just happy that one of his kids FINALLY leaves home
> At the airport, say my byes to the family, in order: hug my older and younger brothers, hug my deeply very happy but sobbing mother, hug my proud father who whispers to me to enjoy life for once.

Getting pulled over

>driving home from girlfriends house
>2am on a thursday night
>get pulled over
>cop came out of no where
>pulls me over right in front of my house
>some young little dipshit cop, right away asks me for all my paperwork in a pissy tone
>comply, because I'm not a nigger
>wasn't speeding, did nothing wrong
>tells me one of my headlights is out
>mfw neither are and even my brights are on
>I don't correct him because I'm confused
>takes my license and runs it
>comes back 10 minutes later
>asks me what I'm doing out so late
>explain to him I live right here
>checks my license to see my address to see if I'm telling the truth

River chick

>be me
>at some retarded summer party with friends
>decide to get hella drunk
>friends having fun inside
>l'm outside talking about retarded stuff to all kind of people
>old guy asks me if l wanna share his bottle of vodka
>he's amazed at how much l drank
>feel like dying inside
>"where can l find some water mister?"
>"there's a river near that house"
>run to there
>it's like 30 cm deep


>Wake up today
>somehow someway my Dad walks out at the same time
>Try going downstairs
>My dad is just staring at me
>Get down the stairs and my dad is just staring at me still
>Sleep in a storage closet with no door
>My parents just spend all morning walking back and forth between the downstairs and there room for whatever reason
>All morning long I just hear them walk by like 40 times and hear random thuds and booming sounds
>Finally sleep
>hear a slamming sound so loud it forces my eyes open

Cum Cube

This reminds me of one time in college, actually. So here's the story about me making a cum cube.

>be a freshman living in dorm
>guy who lives next door to me always blasts his music and base
>tell him to fuck off a few times, he always apologizes and then puts it on 30 mins later
>does this throughout my winter exams
>decide to get back at him in second semester
>save up my cum for a few weeks in an ice cube tray in my mini fridge
>one friday night, we're having a floor party
>he gets super drunk off flip cup and we start talking about mixing drinks
>I tell him I'm really good at making white russians

Crush in the club

>Be me yesterday
>get text from qt3.14 crush of 2 years
>anon come drink with me at a Club
>know it will end bad and i will post a betafag story in /b/
>missing subway
>walk the whole way to the club for one hour
>Introducing me to her friends
>"This is my best friend"
>ah shit
>This is not a Club
>This is her dance school and they celebrate something
>i cant dance
>they completely destroy the dancefloor

Boner dude

>be 15
>tall and skinny and awkward as fuck
>constantly horny
>first day of high school
>all the girls have tits and wear makeup and have nice hair now
>English class is morning class
>filled with smoking hot chicks
>morning wood is raging
>going around class doing introductions where we stand up and say our name
>dick is hard as diamonds
>sick feeling in gut
>teacher calls name

A story of success

>be at the park with my two brothers, my brother's gf and a friend of hers
>it's some kind of neighborhood festival or something
>full of hot teen girls
>we're having a good time
>there's a pretty blonde girl with her group of friends, all of them at least 8/10
>i never approached a girl before
>for some reason i just want to do something stupid to entertain
>the blonde girl is smoking
>without saying anything for 10 minutes gathering courage i get up and go to her
>i touch her shoulder
>she turns around and she's fucking Galadriel 2.0, 17-20 year old elf, 11/10, i'm in love

Tripping balls

might aswell post my worst one up.. never doing mushrooms again after this one.. (for reference i am a fairly well versed drug user.. i know when i am tripping balls and can usually have a good time with it, but this one nearly had me calling the men with white coats!)

>get a call from dom.. he has some mushrooms and we are all gonna trip at his
>he lives in wood cabin on quite a big farm so some back to nature shit sounded all good
>get there few drinks etc think there was about 6 of us in total
>brewed up the mushroom tea and slurped it down

Minnie Mouse slut

Man this shit is unbelievable. Story time

>Be me 4years old
>My family adopted a nigerian kid also 4 years old
>I was a happy kid to have a brother, we grow up together, have lots of fun
>Fast forward we are both 19
>he is fit as fuck, gets all the bitches
>also very good in school
>my family always tells him how proud they are of him
>they give no fuck about me
>Im chubby, sit at home playing videogames, not many friends
>date a cute girl (5-6/10) she is nerdy like me
>she also doenst have many friends
>perfect girl, knows how to cook, wife material

Redneck's transformation

>used to be an actual red neck
>had an old chevy truck with a gun rack
>wore wife beaters and dickies shorts
>smoked and drank whiskey
>beat up gay people around town
>used to hunt frequently
>got the internet 3 years ago
>found /b/
>found out about traps
>became depressed
>suicide attempt
>in coma for month
>bed ridden for 4 months
>muscle atrophy
>lost all my weight and mass

Air Smith

>Be white
>Live in an almost all black ghetto neighborhood
>Best friends were twin black brothers named Ray and Jay
>They were both pretty thuggish, spoke in hardcore Ebonics
>We got into lots of trouble growing up together
>Car-hopping, shop-lifting, drug-dealing, you know, black stuff
>They were like brothers to me though
>I practically lived at their house because my mom is a bitch alcoholic
>In high school we smoked weed together constantly while selling it
>Our main dealer ends up getting arrested, so we need to find a new one
>Ray finds us a new connect at school, happens to live in our neighborhood
>Hear a rumor that him and his parents grew it in a shed in their back yard
>We were going to buy some to try it out, but our delinquent minds told us otherwise
>Come up with a plan to rob the shed instead

My best friend

>be me
>1st year of university
>random freshly met guy decides he's my best friend
>let's call him bff
>always tries to get me out of my autism
>let's_hit_on_those_hoes.mp3 playing non-stop
>slightly annoyed but whatever
>one day we get out of class very late
>finally decide to act alpha
>locate cutest female human specimen in my proximity
>already spoke to her a couple of times
>self confidence pumping in
>random chat about how boring the prof is

Son, I am dissapoint

>be 24
>chilling in my room
>Parents drop off my sister
>birthday shopping for her
>hide my USBs and cards
>forgot to take out SD card from laptop
>little sister wants to use laptop to download music
>10 minutes later
>"Anon, I found pictures of a girl getting wrestled!"

About mobile view

Hi all!

I recieved several mails asking me about the status of the mobile view for the website. As mentioned before I don't really like blogger's mobile view because it doesn't look very good and limits the features that are displayed on the site.

However, I figured that it might be the best idea to let you decide since it's you guys using this site every day to check out new greentext stories. That's why I made a poll where you can chose whether you want mobile view to come back or not.

Have a good Monday!

Shit was cash

hello b, here is a little story of mine

> Was at a nightclub 2 weeks ago
> has to shit
> goes into bathroom
> piss everywhere
> seek out personel bathroom
> no piss, but still no fresh
> fuck it im drunk, lets shit
> had left my phone inside my jacket
> nothing to do while unleashing my bowels
> start looking around
> look at roof
> one of the tiles is loose

Bloody crack

>take a shit one morning
>blood all over the toilet, significant amounts of blood
>blood up my ass crack
>decide to just wipe and move on with my day, being 19 and obviously invincible
>pee wasn't bloody, so there was that
>take a shit the next day
>no blood
>praise baby Jesus's tiny butthole
>don't think much of it for a couple days
>suddenly, large amounts of blood in the toilet again
>wasn't like a few drops, it was enough to turn the water red (not even orange I mean damn)

Gramps wants some fun

>be me
>living with my grandparents
>chilling in my room studying for my next exam for college
>talking to my boyfriend
>starts talking suggestive to me
>getting really "excited"
>about to whip out my silly sausage
>hears moaning sounds from the other room

"The fuck?"

>oh no
>this can't be happening

Taking dmx pills

>be 19
>friend broke up with his gf
>tell him to come over and have some drinks
>I have no clue how we got to swallowing the dxm pills I had in a drawer
>ate grapefruits, went to the living room and waited on the couch for it to kick in
>friend starts to slam his hands on the couch
>"spiders... spiders everywhere"
>then it hits me like a wall of bricks
>all the walls start to come closer and the room is shrinking
>everything is suddenly tinted in weird, darkish colours

Aussie hate

>walk through supermarket
>people are walking with their friends in their fashionable brand name clothing and styled hair that took the better part of the morning to prepare, sipping on popular sugar water - mostly young people who have no problems beyond the ones they create themselves in some stupid relationship
>at work
>guys are talking about the latest sports thing, smoking every 2 hours and humming along to music made for blue collar trash to feel superior to wealthier and more intelligent people
>at the gym
>packs of airheads mosey around from machine to machine, quoting some internet memes and telling each other the latest bit of nonsense "science" they heard about how to get 'sick gains' - attractive people all around, talking about the latest festival, electronic music and talking about the other times they've talked with people - the latest club beat is playing, singing about some whore girl and parties or some shit

Does it get better?

>I was a happy kid
>Growing up
>About 3 or 4 years old, notice that Dad isn't around
>Mom says he's not feeling well
-two days later-
>Mom picks me up from daycare or some shit cause she works full time
>Get taken to grandparents house
>Get told Dad was sick
>Want to go home but told we can't
>Find out later in life that he had ptsd and shot himself that day but I wasn't told until some other family member had died

Stacy, Chad, and 150 pictures

>senior year of high school
>have a stash of nudes from different girls at the school
>even received some from a few girls
>saved and traded them over the years like yugioh cards
>One day decide to cause a shit storm and upload them all to a Dropbox folder
>150+ pics from 94 different girls
>didn't want to risk getting caught so uploaded them all from my friends galaxy at a nearby starbucks
>anonymously sent the link to people on a fake account
>the school envelops under complete chaos over the next few days

The bait

>be 26
>go to party of my peers
>drinking and talking
>see this chick, cute as fuck
>I'm a 7/10 myself
>she gives that look of approval
>walk over introduce myself
>she's actually witty and funny
>round ass
>c cups
>plump lips
>kinda on the bohemian side
>she rolls a perfect joint
>knows about music
>doesn't need a lot of makeup

Do I know you?

>Asked by a relative to come help fix their tablet.
>They have a daughter and a son.
>Tell me their adress and number 110
>Go there and knock on their door.
>A young blond girl opens the door.
>Tell her "Wow you've grown a lot!"
>She says: "Do I know you?"
>"Yeah I'm a friend of your father, last time I saw you you were three years old. Can I come in?"
>Enter the house, sit down on the couch and look around
>Think to myself: "Oh wow they redecorated it a lot since I've been here for the last time."
>Look at the photos in the living room.

Close call

Holy shit that was a close one

>be me
>be depressed and anxious for as long as can remember
>in and out of hospitals as a kid for self harm stuff
>be years later still depressed
>decide to see psychiatrist
>1 year waiting list but finally the day is here
>am 19 but mom comes in waiting room with me bc she is bored
>go in and meet dr who speaks in monotone
>no emotion in this guys voice
>explain my situation too him

I dunno man

>be me a few years ago
>about the 10th or so time doing acid
>never taken more than 1 tab
>decide to go for 2 this time
>I'm the only one doing acid this time
>friends decide to split an 8th of shrooms 3 ways
>try to convince our friend who literally always blacks out and goes crazy every single time he does shrooms not to take shrooms, does it anyway because he's a stubborn fuck
>having a great time
>decide to go to our friend's uncle's house to smoke a bunch of weed
>smoke several blunts
>smoke a lot of hash
>smoke a bunch of bowls
>start hallucinating
>outlines start turning into 2D fractals
>getting a little overwhelmed but still doing alright

Party hard, Omar

>be me
>be Halloween last year
>bun cross country
>be at counties
>PR, team has good day
>buddy Dan runs sub 18 for the first time
>one of the guys is hosting a Halloween party right after
>entire team is invited
>never really been to a party before, beats sitting around
>team captain, call him Omar, seems really excited for it

>go in a halfassed costume
>ghost of the 1990s

So much Calcium

>Be in 4th or 5th grade, can't really remember
>Be in school
>Lunch break
>All of the guys (which was a lot since we only had 2 girls in our class) are running around playing this weird tag game.
>I'm chasing this one guy.
>He's kinda fat but surprisingly quick.
>We run across soccer field
>The guy i'm chasing slams into one of the players
>He trips and rams his head straight into one of the goal poles.
>Fucking blood everywhere.
>His upper lip is slit in half.
>Everybody stops and stares at him.

It's going down

let me tell you an absolutely true story, currently happening in my life.

>me, 23 y/o normie
>recent college graduate, bachelors in Music
>get great job at non profit organization
>little hours so get side job at vons
>save money, buy car
>mobile fuck yeah!
>get beautiful 9/10 musician gf, both of us making good money, happy
>my boss at non profit asks me to quit vons and she'll give me more hours
>cool, saving money to move out of parents, need more hours
>doesn't give me more hours

Drugs, god, and the journal

> Be 21
> Professional life going well, paying doubt debts, saving money, live independently, etc
> However, feel quite hollow
> Don't want to be a pleb and drink my problems away, decide that tripping balls a bunch might help
> Never done hallucinogens before
> Hold 200ug LSD under my tongue for about 30 minutes
> Down 6g amanita muscaria, decarbed in a toaster oven
> Wait for them both to peak (both hit peak at roughly the same time)
> At peak, load ~1g strong sativa into bong bowl, along with ~1/2g 15x salvia extract
> Smoke entire bowl with torch lighter

Phone guy is listening

>failure at life, nearly in everything
>steady job though
>which doesn't pay enough, bankrupt soon
>anyway, comes friday afternoon
>nobody's here
>don't want to work
>browse /h/ for an hour
>gets horny as fuck
>i must go masturbate
>go for the men's room
>in normal times it's deserted
>this friday it should be even more safe
>a guy is on the phone in the corridor
>never seen him, must be a visitor
>decide i don't give a shit

Not what I expected

>be out in my cab, 28, browsing CL in my down time and post an ad looking for a hookup

>get a hit from a woman downtown. In her 40s, from New Orleans just looking for dick.
>couple short emails later i get the address. Nervous as shit i park around the block and leave my wallet/keys/cell hidden in the cab and lock up.
>I even take my glasses off and leave them.
>i walk around the block to the house i suspect it is and i hear "Anon?" and then a dog barking frantically.
>Nervousness intensifies
>dog calms down after she reassures it. i avoid eye contact with dog and hold my hand cupped downward, she is cautious but not aggressive.

Hooker fail stories - part 2

>through connections meet a good guy running a brothel
>chill jazzy kinda black dude runs an actually nice bar
>call him up on that weeks phone number for a girl anytime anywhere he says
>used other cheaper guys but never a high end escort kind of shit
>new fetish thanks to /d/
"you got any nice traps or really female looking trannies?"
"Ooooooo, boy! Do i have the gal for you!"
>$1200 for a night
>pretty steep compared to my usual payout