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Super drunk

how about i slap your
>drink a huge amount of 151 and beer at friends birthday party
>decide we're gonna drive around on our motorcycles in the parking lot
>am so blacked out I hop on and just leave lol
>pulled up to a stop sign and fell over
>too drunk to get bike back up
>crawl onto old ladies front porch and bang on the door thinking that I'm home
>black out completely
>"Anon you’re here, get out!"
>wake up in back of police car at the station

>have to piss like a mofo
>think I might piss myself if I'm not careful
>"Hey officer, I need to go... really badly"
>officer mcdouche says that he needs to fingerprint and get me "processed" first
>I stand at door and tell him and the other officer that I'm either gonna piss right here, or I'm gonna piss in the bathroom as soon as we get in, their choice... but I'm -not- pissing on myself
>"We gotta get you processed first"
>whip out noodle in front of officers and piss near the door (we're in like a basement parking deck type thing)
>their jaws drop, and don't even know what to do about me pissing...
>I get so angry that I was forced to piss that I start going off on them and everyone in the station
>"F*CK YOU I ain't signing sh*t, I'm not taking any breathalyzer tests, I ain't sayin sh*t to nobody f*ck ya'll"
>spit at the ccbi lady and call her a fat hoe
>eventually get thrown into a holding cell
>CO comes to me take to the magistrate
>still drunk
>"Step on the yellow line, the magistrate is gonna explain a few things"
>Magistrate: "...blah blah blah, motorcycle impounded, blah blah blah, need you to sign..."
>then I do what was later refered to as a "masturbatorial gesture" towards the magistrate, according to the factual basis given by the prosecutor

Got slapped with an instantaneous contempt of court charge, which is an automatic 30 day sentence, no trial, no bail, no nothing, just straight 30 days right on the spot.

Was pretty cool, would do again 

read another story involving drinking


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