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Depressing squeals and smelly dongs

>be me
>be in London for vacation
>Go clubbing with friends because we'd never been before
>Making out with inbred looking girls all over the dance floor, idgaf nobody here knows me
>Eventually settle on cute 7/10, dance with her for a while
>She asks if I want to go back to her flat, I tell my friends and we head out
>Talk on the way over, eventually I ask her age and she says 17
>Damn, I'm 22 years old
>As I'm talking to her I weigh my options and check the age of consent in England on my phone, turns out it's 16 so I'm clear
>Guess it's legal but still seems pretty sleazy
>Whatever, live the dream. Sneak down the hall so we don't wake up her parents, get back to her room and get into it, she's pretty awkward and obviously not too experienced
>Get condom and do it for a while, after a bit she asks if I wanna try her butt
>Never tried it before, figure what's the worst that could happen
>She goes and grabs some vaseline and I lube up, stick it in and she makes this depressing-sounding squeal
>I ask her if I should stop, she says she can take it so I go slow
>After 2 mins I can barely keep it up because she sounds like I'm sticking my noodle in a dying animal. Pull out and see a little blood on the condom
>Feel like absolute crap, she sees the blood and flips a tit
>Ask if I should head home, she nods and I tell her I'm really sorry. She understands, she looks like she feels bad but I can imagine the throbbing pain in her butt probably trumps guilt
>Get dressed, go home, want to fap but dong smells like poop
>Can't get smell off my member for 2 days, regret all past and present decisions that led me to this point and contemplate suduko

read another 4chan greentext about failing


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