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Showing posts from March, 2014

Penis Inspection Day!

alright, /b/, hear my storie about how I mastered penis inspection day 

>be me, morning of penis inspection day
>not my first rodeo.jpg
>masterbate so I'm not too excited
>exfoliate twig and berries, thoroughly rinse in shower
> shave balls, they claim the balls are not a factor in grading but I figure it couldn't hurt
>gently apply gold bond to under carriage of marble pouch

This isn't the restaurant's toilet

>be 21
>hanging out with friends in the open garden of a bar
>burger and beer want to make their way out
>excuse myself and go to look for the toilet
>cant find gents, go on top floor, find ladies and another door next to it
>door opens to two toilets, seems legit

The hambeast who didn't know English

>be working part-time job as a clerk at a local supermarket
>act nice to everyone there, never crack a mean joke or anything
>2 weeks in, arab woman comes to my counter, talking arab stuff, wanted something
>I don't understand a single word, try it with german (This takes place in germany btw), english, french, spanish and broken polish
>still only "achalla hamalla djihat cchhrrrrr" coming from her
>hambeast coworker comes up, rudely throws her out

Teacher found my secret drawings of dongs and dragons

>I use to draw stick figures running through a maze, however, the maze was full of death traps.
> We would compare our brutal mazes at the end of class.
> Months of doing this. I have a notebook dedicated for this.
>Well, one day the teacher comes up and starts to realize what we've been drawing.
>I'm drawing a massive bunny eating stick people.
>Punji traps that people are falling into.

It's my fault a guy commit suicide

>be a member of a tinychat community
>become friends with a very nice guy
>8/10 looks
>realize we live close to each other
>don't do anything about it 'cause that creeps me out
>we get closer, talk more often
>start texting