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Showing posts from February, 2014

The story about the Fedora that wanted to have my milk

>be me in the 7/11 with my bro
>buying food 
>this fedora guy approaches
>i know something bad is going to happen, i feel it
>-excuse me sir i think you owe me an apology
>bro scapes like a fag leaving me deal with the specimen
>... what? i'm just buying food

I glued all of Fedora’s stuff

>be Friday before Christmas break
>real chill day,teacher is about to play peanuts Christmas special but according to county policy before he can he has to ask if anyone will be religiously offended
>who else but dan
>raises his fat little hand to the sky and goes on some tangent about gOD and the lie-ble
>have devious idea

Loud neckbeard in the library

>college law library
>near exam time
>neckbeard (no fedora) but that terrible looking guy that has the worst patchy beard that neckbeards refuse to shave
>walks into library talking abnormal volumes about TV show I am unfamiliar with
>mundane, useless drivel of a conversation except booming loud

He has a gun!

>Out about in the mall
>Just came from the range so I have my holstered pistol on (Totally allowed here in Alabama)
>Go to the local FYE to pick up a CD
>(FYE is a store with CDs and a bunch of anime and swagfag stuff as well)
>See a bunch of tweens being all swagfags around the store
>I'm only 20 but definitely not a swagfag

Smoking Fedora

>working at mall food court when 18
>chill job hidden away in back kitchen
>go out to outside food court patio to have a smoke during break
>300 lbs plus man in brown western duster style long jacket the type with like extra shoulder flaps
>non western fedora
>sitting with super skinny nerdy guy who just seems to stare at fat fedora guy with pure admiration and love in his eyes never saying a word

4chan facts /b/ thinks you should know

>There is no such thing as a queen of /b/ you are a fag if you participate in that nonsense
>Rose is a trap. If you post about him you are a fag.
>Any link posted here is fake or will get you in trouble. If someone says he has a tape of vids of something it's a scam.
>There is no such thing as newfags and oldfags, only autistic idiots care about it >Threads with an ero pic and "69 decides what I do etc" is ALWAYS fake

Hentai for the teacher

I live in a little (pop 8,000) rich white town by the Mississippi, and all the special kids in the local school districts have to come to the High School here because the other schools by us are 70% black and super violent or straight up nothing but super poor kids (our towns like a little fort for the stockpile of Money and Whiteness in the area) so I've got some damn good tard stories.

Okay first, the borderline tards who are just above the "special" mark

>Be me, at lunch
>This short chubby must be sophomore (I was a senior at the time) with sweatshirt tied around his waist in the way that suggests he's doing it as a fashion statement sits down at the table of "cool" party boy douche kids, unfortunately near my friends table.
>All the kids go silent as he gathers their attention

Balloon porn is a real thing

>Special kid messages me on fb
>Feel bad message him back
>Eventually Says he's gay and likes me
>Sends me songs he "wrote" all michael jackson songs
>Eventually get sick of it and block him

Life sucks stories - Osteoporosis

>be me
>have Osteopetrosis
>in a wheelchair for two and a half years on a broken leg. that kind of thing
>multiple broken bones during childhood
>just kind of "shut it all off and pushed the feels away
>drop out of gymnasium (high scool i guess?) because of very specific learning disabilities I don't understand
>dad is so dyslexic i only learned how to spell his middle name by reading his passport

Prison gets you laid, drugs and weapons get you into trouble

>mother and father had me
>father worked offshore on oil rig ,underwater welder so he was out working for weeks at a time
>mom was a serious junkie/party girl
>abandoned me more than once with babysitter while she went MIA (this was the 70's and much different laws)- father had to be choppered in from work to pick me up
>mom & dad finally split when I was 3
>never saw mom again, dad gave me to his parents to raise - saw him maybe once a year

More hungry thiefs

>be in my shed
>playing vidya
>shed is pretty big, got an aircon with a beer fridge etc
>playing COD online
>owning left right and center
>hear someone climbing over my fence again
>decide i'm going to catch this idiot
>wait in shed
>peek out door
>see guy

The hungry thief

>be 15
>Live in an apartment in a bad neighborhood
>been there for 5 years like it nice enough people
> even like a girl upstairs
>Get home from football practice(amerifag)
>go right to bed
>get up to take a piss
>hear something in kitchen

The beta gets the girl

>Be 5 hours ago
>Walking to my next CS related class
>Se a massive huddle of students
>Fight my way 300 style to the front
>It's a fight

A custom minigun was my tool for revenge

>be me
>about a few months ago
>be 20
>still living with parents bc too lazy to do anything
>live a pretty good life imo
>spend most days jerkin’ off, browsing 4chan and playing top quality vidya
>once in a while my relatives come over
>uncles, my granny, etc.
>I hated my relatives

Awkward customer situations – BJ

>grocery store
>be stocking shelves with another employee
>3rd employee hanging price tags
>a customer appears
>wearing 3 pairs of glasses/sunglasses (not clip ons...she has 3 pairs of glasses on her head/face
>customer asks about sugar substitute, splenda and our store brand
>she asks "which one's better?"

Collab – Crap perpetuated by tv and movies

>it's the norm for every group of white friends to have one black/minority member
>gay people are always friendly and tolerant towards straight people and don't look down their nose or make bigoted generalisations about them
>native americans are all deeply spiritual and wise, tragically misunderstood/unappreciated by mainstream society and never seen drunk, abusing drugs or living off unemployment

Teacher stories – the fat brony

>In class the students have to do a presentations
>Any powerpoint or report on something about biology
>5 presentations in and it's all mediocre
>Give them A's because I don't care anymore
>Next person in line is Fatso who is a greasy fat kid who looks like the autistic kid from Bad Santa with bad hygiene and more chins.

Teacher stories – The Biblethumper

>Start talking about Darwin's Theory in class
>Girl in the back raised her hand
>"Yes BibleThumper what is your question"
>"My dad told me that Darwin was a agent to Satan and his work was designed by demons:

Teacher stories – AshStink

>Start teaching class that was after lunch
>Start telling the students to do answer some questions that I put on the board
>Sit at my desk waiting for them to finish
>See AshStink rubbing something in his mouth
>Go up to him and ask him what was he doing
>"Nothing teacher just trying to scratch my cheek"

Teacher stories – The Gradeslut

>Work as a highschool teacher and teach biology
>Be finals week
>The class room is usually split in personality
>Kids who are over confident
>Kids who are austistic
>Kids who are messed up


>Be me 17 m
>Out for lunch during school because we have that privilege, and eat massive diabeetus heart clogging meal.
>Go to convenience store next to restaurant.
>Feel a massive fart coming on, but polite me holds it in until I leave.