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Showing posts from December, 2013

Collab - Things you think only you do

> eat salt straight all the time
> still get bad acne ( 21 )
> find milk disgusting
> binge drink 4-5 days, then wont drink for weeks, been doing this for years
> inspect all meat before i eat it

Alpha dad story

>5 years old
>Playing alone in my room because dad is clearly pissed about something
>Can hear him banging and throwing stuff in the kitchen
>Suddenly he busts my door open and yells "Anon, go get in the car."
>"But dad I'm playi-"
>Go out to the driveway and get in the car
>Dad gets in the driver's seat and slams the door
>He floors the car in reverse and out of the driveway
>We drive for like 30 minutes, going like 30 over the entire way

Situations handled terribly – pissed pants

>be 7
>in 2nd grade
>class has rule that you lose your snack break if you use the bathroom too often
>on third for the day
>actually dying trying to hold in piss
>"can I go to the bathroom?"
>"yes but you'll lose your break!"

Crush’s breath of death

>be in 11th grade
>used to sit next to solid 8/10 in history
>she kept saying stuff like
>"i listened to a dirty song, wanna hear it?"
>"we should chill after this"
>"you look like you smoke weed"
>"i had a dream about you"

My revenge after 16 years

>be me
>be in third grade
>had pop math quiz while taking bathroom break
>8 year old urethra can only move so much fluid so I took a while
>miss part of time multiplication quiz
>get 85/100 because I missed

Situations handled terribly – I’m not gay

>just walked out of out-patient rehab, told the guys to get lost
>see cute half black girl I know from community college
>feel like a badass because that place terrifying and I manned up enough to leave and not go back to drugs
>ask her out
>she says yes

Job stories - Misogynistic broken world

>be 4 years ago when I was 16
>Had been with boyfriend for over 3 years
>Worked at an Italian restaurant
>Manager always sexually harassed me but I needed the money
>One day talking with one of my colleagues how I will be celebrating my 3 year anniversary with my boyfriend in a months time and that I will need to use one of my holidays to book a Friday off work
>Manager overhears and makes some comment about how I am too young to have a boyfriend

I almost got killed by a robber today

>Be me, 19
>Live in Louisiana
>Smoke weed every once in a while, not a big deal, kinda casual
>With friends last night
>Lighting it up, having a good time
>Keep in mind this is friend's house

DayZ stories – This game brings out my dark side

>me and my friend
>See a noob shining his flashlight all through the heavens
>we're both geared, identical looking black men
>fully modded M4s, camo clothing, camo assault vests, ballistic helmets, gasmasks
>follow the bambi to a big shed

DayZ stories – My Russian buddy Maklo

>bleeding, no food or water and a zombie is killing me
>I have a pretty good weapon, and I'm dying
>Russian angel takes out zombies and kill zombie
>Takes me to his area, bandages me, has food
>Name is maklo, doesn't speak english

Shrek’s game

>Go to local Gamestop
>Parks my car, confident, launch date for Crysis 3
>Get inside the store, asks for the damn game
>"Uhh, sure thing mate. Wouldn't you like something else, too?"
>My eyes widen

When mom learned the truth about Call of Duty

>walk into gamestop
>not too busy but there are a bunch of employees there today preparing for some event.
>in walks a 13 year old kid and his mother who's quite distracted looking with a baby in her arms
>mom tells kid to pick out a game and she'll buy it
>over hear as I'm shopping for a new ps3 game.

DayZ stories – Free stuff for all

>Be on server with friends for several hours
>Server has custom loot tables and some randomly added areas
>Friends have to go, but I decide to keep playing
>Inna little bird
>Over general: Anyone need a ride

DayZ stories – They just wanted my pants

>been playing for a few hours
>everyone I've met has been really friendly
>in big city with weird name by the sea
>in main square looting commy houses
>clown masked jerk runs up to me out of nowhere and starts shiving me in the kidneys.

DayZ stories – Taking no hostages

>be me looting military barracks
>hear 2 voices demanding i exit the building with my hands up
>Don't feel like risking surrender
>run out the building, start getting peppered with bullets, have to make a last second decision
>stop dead and raise my hands to surrender, they come over to tie my hands up with rope

How I discovered my love for dirty toilets

>Get drivers license at 18
>Get my own car at 20
>Sister calls me to babysit her kids and spend the weekend, fri-monday at her place a week after i got my own car
>Take care of her kids, watch movies, eat

Caught stories – Banging on grandma’s death bed

>76 old grandma is dying.
>So my family somehow gets one of those hospital beds that raise and lower and have the railing and such.
>Grandmas bed is too big for any other room so she gets mine.
>Grandma lingers for like a week and a half while I sleep in the living room.

Caught stories – Masturbating to Shrek

>be 13-15
> I used to get up when no one else was up to watch tv in living room.
>Dem late night channels.
>some random porn on tv screen
See I'm smart about this, I knew Shrek was playing on Cinemax channel so I had it on return.

Caught stories – Teabagging step mother

rady for some teabagging stories? here's mine:
> be me
> see step mom asleep on couch, on her back against the head rest
> she is facing away from me so I decide to get risky
> strip and start fapping behind her in the living room very slowly so as not to wake her

Collab - Ahh the little things

>taking a nice dump, then not feeling your legs because you were there for 45 minutes
>warm under the covers in the morning
>picking a scab
>that feel when you peel off something that got stuck to your finger nail (tape, those fruit stickers, etc..)
>when the dentist sprays water all over your teeth after he's done scraping

Cheating without getting caught

>Dated a girl in high school who was waaay too jealous and obsessive
>Sitting in German 2 with Maren and Luise
>Luise always tells me that I smell really good and smells me. Literally just leans over, puts her head to my chest and breathes in deeply. It's cool, I do smell good.
>One day I go to the bathroom  >Leave phone on desk

Dong grab before Christmas

>be me
>Go to dollar tree to get 2/$1 xmas cards because nobody gives a damn but what's inside them
>Waiting in line with other losers
>Blonde cashier hot
>Like why the hell is she working there?
>Imagine her body without clothes

How to disassemble an iPhone the fast way

> Be me 2 years ago in bad convenience store job if anyone’s interested
> be "facing up an aisle" (basically pulling all the stuff on the shelves to the front to make it full)
> loud brats (15 odd) running around with their iPhones out.
> finish facing up aisle and step into main section of shop
> see girl trip over basket another customer left on the floor behind them

Escort’s stories – the brony

>meet up with total brony autist
>paid me to put on a schoolgirl outfit, a purple wig with pink streaks, a unicorn horn headband, and purple wings.
>cuddles me and tells me how he loves me
>pulls up my skirt and starts poking his little one at my butt

Escort’s stories – the weird S/M couple

>one of my friends hires me
>their boyfriend is having a 21st birthday party at their apartment, she wanted him to have a fun time
>did not foresee the storm brewing
>go there
>get drunk, smoke a few joints, pretty chill

Everyone wants to beat up that bearded German guy

>be 19
>go to party at fire pit in the woods >really dark out >speaking in German accent all night for no reason >am really drunk >have full beard I’ve been working on for about 4 months

A cop saw me without clothes

>at home fapping in living room
>roommate smoking weed in the back room >didn’t even know too enthralled in tits >headphones on but not too loud >knock on door >my house, my time I’m gonna finish before I answer

Dad's mustache

>be me
>last night
>got home after a bad day
>really bushed
>put on some Dream Cream to keep the nightmares away while I sleep

My first gunfight in Oakland

>Be on business and have a meeting in Oakland.
>Drive up the day before, and figure I'll just mosey around the day before
>Get my hotel room and get settled.
have a glock 19 I carry with me when i go to a city I don't know.
>Go out for dinner and have a weird feeling I should take my firearm.