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Showing posts from November, 2013

Coffee with wiener

> be me at the end of school year
> 12th grade so i just don’t wanna be in school anymore
> recently went to doctor for anxiety problems
> xanax prescribed
> pop 2mg before school one morning, get faced

The gay sex that never happened

>Be Jr in HS
>Circle of friends are punk/metal/general rock kids (We were a bit rowdy and edgy)
>Oldest one among us decides to throw a party while his parents are away.
>BYOB and Drugs
>Party gets going, about 50 people show up, most are friends of friends/ unknown.

My sad story

>met this wonderful girl at the end of 7th grade (13 at the time)
> I tried talking to her but she told me to stay away from her
> start of 8th grade never talked
> advance to September
> she is on the bus. Dead silent I’m like wtf okay

It's a trap!

>Be at a “classic rock” bar with friends, having a good time with some drinks >Play pool with them >A female approaches, while playing >She observes while she is taking a drink

Depressing life

> Graduated (Lower, I was always lazy as hell) with 18 but with very good grades (Well, that is not so hard on that school anyway)
> Still no real job with 21
> Tried to get a better graduation (Middle)
> Everything went fine until I met my Femme Fatale

Missing friend

>be me
>15 years old
>Playing cs 1.6 since 5 years already, have met some great guys, and some (a lot) of idiots
>Be in this "10 man" we organized
>Nerds arguing, great guys chilling.

Farting while having sex

>be 16
>have girlfriend for a while, been doing it for a few months now
>she’s very polite, very proper
>lost virginity to each other, everything is great
>on top of me, riding away when all of a sudden she hesitates for a second and then keeps going

My dog Boomer

>be 16 >have a falling out with my group of friends, overnight become friendless >birthday is coming up >wonder what I will get >ask for a yellow labrador retriever

Wrong condom

>be 19
>going to do it for first time with my gf I've had for 1 year
>need to buy condoms because gf isn't on birth control
>find a box that promises "long lasting drive" or whatever
>hell yea.jpg


>be youngfag
>picked up some kush from my cuz
>smoke 2 grams out of a 60's glass Sprite bottle bong

Playing with fire

>be 4th of July
>guess what time it is
>fireworks thirty
>get those Mad Cat chain explosive fireworks (you know what I'm talking about)

Maybe it was a German werewolf

> be 19, living in the west of a normal village
> go out every weekend to village square
> there’s a lot of pubs and stuff
> go home every time when it’s dark
> industrial area between home and town square

Dad won't be happy about this

>leaving party high as a kite
>on the way to my house, I conjure up a plan to quietly get inside my house
>I will park right outside the garage, use the spare key to quietly go in through the front door, switch out the garage door batteries with old ones, and then complain the garage door wouldn't open last night when I came home

Thank you, girl X

>23 years old
>virgin, but had many close encounters of the beta kind
>quite a few girls voiced an attraction towards me
>I had always been just too chicken to do anything about it

Feels bad man

>15 years old.
>gather all my courage to begin talking to a 10/10.
>God tier breasts.
>The body of a model.

Beta greentext from school

Alright, time for a beta greentext
>16 at the time
>madly in love with a girl in my class
>way, way out of my league
>amazing rack, big eyes and a really cute smile
>I usually sit right behind her

Deceiving Facebook profile

>Be me
>Getting over a tough break up
>Be talking to friend about it.
>Friend is kind of a dork, says he can set me up with one of his online friends.
>Think hey it's better than nothing

Weed, cookie dough, and a cat

>smoking with friend
>smoking out of this bong i made out of two real tree energy bottles i jb welded together
>get blazed as hell
>we get hungry

The hunger

>First time ever with weed
>bought crappy makeshift bong
>filled it and packed the bowl
>all i had was a gas lighter

Mad kid

>Be me in high school.
>Kid is in all my classes.
>Kid has severe acne, focused entirely on his nose. I cannot express enough how saturated in pimples his nose was. It was always pure, solid red. Always. Please understand how literal this is. We're talking Rudolph-tier.

Even drugs didn't help

>Used to own minecraft server
>Just stopped June last year, was 4 years old at this point, very popular
>One of the girls on the server is attracted to me
>She lives one town over

Don't drink and drive

>Over at my friends house for jam night
>Other friends are there when I get there
>One friend brings his hambeast girlfriend
>We start jamming fairly loud
>Hamplanet starts screaming "CAN YOU TURN THAT DOWN"

Philosophy, Ohio

>be 17
>suburban town, crappy mall and a walmart
>middle of nowhere ohio
>old timey area downtown, brick buildings and bridges died during the recession 
>homeless mecca 2013
>literally homeless people every feet
>fullblown shanty town

What the?

>this must be one of the most embarrassing stories ever
>be 3 years ago
>be 16, just around the time people are having parties, drinking etc
>K is a pretty weird guy at school, quiet but when he speaks it's usually some weird crap
>I try to involve him in our conversations during break but he gets super autistic

Blue goo

>be working security with buddy at local 4th of july event at out town's "lake"
>halfway through the day, wandering around talking crap and we stop and chat over by portable restrooms
>hear a scream and we turn to see a little girl running out of one
>go over and ask what's wrong

My favorite working moment

>be 20, working at huge retail chain that sells computers as part-time manager
>sitting behind customer service desk having some coffee
>see a customer walk in with a Dyson vacuum
>he walks up to Customer service desk and slams it on the desk
>pieces break off and fly everywhere
>He starts SCREAMING at my customer service girl

Fred the Fedora

>Be 1st week of school, it's the Friday of that week and we've been in the class for about four days
> The bell rings, all of us our in class expept the fedora, we'll call him Fred
>Halfway through class, the door opens
>In comes Fred, in a full suit, cane, and a rose on his shirt
>He bears a rose in his hand

Breakup after two years

>this is how my relationship break up happened
>been dating for almost 2 years, November 22 would be our anniversary
>no fights, almost identical interests
>basically the perfect couple
>two weeks ago she blocked me on facebook in the middle of typing a message to her about a job interview coming up

Neckbeard deserves a beating

>be me going to uni first year for computer science
>there is some neckbeard in my class
>no fedora but ponytail and gross
>he assumes i'm muslim because I’m brown and pokes fun at it

Stupid Marine

>Interested in military careers because military jobs are well paid
>Join the military because I have a degree in engineering and I'm athletic
>Know that there is always high demand and thus many options for engineering careers
>I wait 7 months to get a combat engineer position
>Wade through the crap and graduate basic, finally arrive at tech school
>19/22 people from 3 branches of the military are full of drop outs from other MOS and freshly graduated high schoolers who know nothing about sketching floor plans, surveying, or managing field crews

Humiliated in school

>like funny embarrassing stories? well, here's mine
>be me
>be in middle school
>guy tells me that a girl in class has a crush on me
>he gives me a piece of paper
>it's a simple love note with pink handwriting with the usual hearts for the dotted i's
>has her number on the bottom

Miserable life

>Be me
>10 years ago now, I was 18
>was pretty alpha
>played guitar like a boss, started a band
>2 years band got signed to major
>mfw you have probably heard of my band when our 3rd single hit charts in 2006

Beta prevails

>how to find a girlfriend? not like this
>4 people at femanons house
>me, friend, femanon and a boganite
>boganite hooks up with random guy somewhere else
>friend drinks to much, becomes incapacitated

What have I done?

>Know girl from work
>Probably a 5/10
>She wants the D
>One day im looking to go out for a drink 
>Have alcohol addiction

True friendship

>This is my story about friendship
>I guess it's also one of those stories with morals
>Be me
>My best friend is an autist
>pokemon runescape yugioh you name it, he neckbeards
>Rage problems - emotional breakdown - I'm his only friend
>Finally, we graduate

Happy birthday and a douche

> Happened on my birthday
> Just turned 32
> good job decent apartment, gf
> Gf says that I should invite her cousins to my guys night out birthday party.
> planned a pub crawl since payday was pretty sweet.

Revenge with the help of gay porn

>like revenge stories? here's mine
>it's a bullying story too
>get bullied all through high school by this one guy
>get no help for bullying
>after high school get part time job at local video store
>bully asshole comes in one day and rents stuff on his fathers account
>he's talking crap about going to a big university and how well he's doing

Cadillac full of trouble

>this is how my relationship break up went
>be in relationship for 5 years
>own a house, both have jobs, things go smoothly
>last year it hits the fan, lost my job
>loads of tension and financial worries
>breakup commences a month ago