4chan's Best Greentexts

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Got some feels for ya
>be me few years back, 15 living with my dad ( just got close to him ((he wasn't always there when I was a kid but I moved in with him for about a year and half and we became best friends )))
>girl friend moves to Houston Tx. ( which is 8 hours away )
>tells me one day that I can go but I have to take a bus, I tell my dad and he jumps at the opportunity to send me to Houston.
>within an hour of her telling me my dad bought a ticket (he over paid due it being last minute ) and had my things packed (we didn't tell anyone not even my mom. We weren't on speaking terms back then )and we were waiting for the bus to pick me up from station.
>we talk like normal although looking back at it something seemed off
>bus arrives and I get on, he gives me a really big hug and says " I'll see you when you get back, I love you "
>FF a week Father's Day
>call him tell him how everything is going and that I'm having a great time and if I could stay another week.
>he agrees and says " stay as long as they let you don't ever forget I love you "
>kinda odd but whatever having to much fun
>next morning something felt off so I called and txted my dad
>no answer
>start getting tons of calls out of no where don't recognize numbers so ignore
>start getting worried so I call him again and still no answer
>girlfriend walks in crying her eyes out.
>turns out my dad shot himself in the head
>I'm fucking 8hrs from home no one knew where I was and my dad had killed himself.
> I keep replaying what he said to me before I left " I'll see you when you get back "
>he planed out me leaving so that when he killed himself I wouldn't have to see him.
>still fucking tears me up inside how he thought that out.
> FF present I still sometimes have the urges to call him and ask how he's doing or if he wants to grab lunch like we used to
>realize he's gone and that I'll never see or talk to him again
>Fuck you dad I miss you

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Posted on Saturday, January 14, 2017

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Friday, October 14, 2016

>Trump wins the election
>comes out to make his winning speech
>he looks bored
>as he gets to the mic he stands there for a second
>all quiet
>he begins to adjust the mic
>a cough is heard in the audience
>mic is almost touching his lips now
>a smirk slowly but sure appears
>Obama, you're fired
>crowd goes fucking nuts
>Mexicans begin running back to Mexico
>liberals blowing their brains out left and right
>Hillary has a stroke
>McCain sitting in a bar sobbing while getting blown by Karl Rove
>Karl is sobbing while he does so
>Je complaining this wasn't how it was planned
>first lady causes the most boners in US history
>all is right


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Posted on Friday, October 14, 2016

7 comments

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

>16 years old
>Dumb as fuck kid who had no friends
>By that point I made peace with the fact that I was just different
>Started doing stuff to piss off normies like wearing Wrath, Natural Selection, and Retribution shirts 
>Was once sent out of school for writing a report on why the Columbine event was justified, although nothing wound up happening because it was just an opinionated paper for civics so what could they do but get mad and ignore me
>Some new girl comes to school
>She was kind of cute and she immediately got popular
>For some reason she liked me and started talking to me in class
>Once her friends saw this happening they told her about how retarded I was 
>I would've dropped the normie enraging escapades if I got her as a gf because that would've been fine by me but it wasn't to be
>She cut me off cold turkey
>For Halloween we weren't allowed to wear costumes to school
>I did anyway and went as a teacher of mine, it was one of the "cool" teachers who gave group work out constantly and pretended to relate to kids
>I fucking shaved my eyebrows to mimic the way he looked and it must've been spot on because people got mad 
>They couldn't send me home because I said that was just how I was going to dress from now on
>The next day I went back to my typical style and they didn't do anything

Posted on Wednesday, October 12, 2016

1 comment

>be me
>21 year old beta male in 2169
>new great depression
>shortage of food everywhere
>everyone is hungry
>go to food bank
>wait in 4 hour line
>see qt3.14159265359 at the counter
>decide to talk to her
>beta.bat engage
>”Uh, h-hi”
>she looks at me like i was on shrooms shitting in public
>spaghetti starts falling out of pockets
>everyone watching
>”I-I was wondering”
>qt starts screaming
>everyone watching in awe
>spaghetti everywhere
>i run out of food bank without my food
>FF 1 day
>eating cold ramen noodles
>knock on door
>whothefuck.jpeg
>swat outside with big limo
>whatthefuck.jpeg
>swat rush me in limo
>SHITMYRAMENNOODLES.FUCK
>start driving away
>there goes my food for the month
>arrive at color-neutral house (fucking sjws)
>president waiting outside
>i get embarrassed because introvert
>more spaghetti
>swat rushes me and president inside
>says that the president wants to talk to me
>what.png
>president starts
>”kid, you are here for a very important reason”
>”we believe that you may be able to solve our biggest problem”
>i still have no idea what is going on
>so embarrassed
>more spaghetti
>finally realise what is going on
>FF 3 years
>america doing great
>leader of world
>mfw i solved world hunger
>mfw i can create infinite spaghetti

Posted on Wednesday, October 12, 2016

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>be me 
>in the car with gf, her mom, and grandma
>be "birding" or some shit 
>literally driving around looking at birds
>boring as fuck but gf 7/10 so yeah
> in back seat while gf's mom is driving
>grams in passenger seat
>riding along minding my own business 
>feel attention on my member 
>wat 
>gf is rubbing on my dick through my jeans 
>hoe wtf
>cumslut needs nourishment 
>she whips out my jimmy, starts waxing the pole right there in the open
>gf's mom and grams are clueless 
>I'm panic stricken, but my gf is dead set on my meat
>she initiates blowjob sequence 
>dat good succ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 
> jk. Feels like a warm cheese grater on my man meat
>still panic stricken 
>gf tells mom she's taking a nap, resting head in my lap 
>make eye contact with gf's mom through rear view mirror 
>her eyes penetrate my soul 
>she resumes driving after an eternity 
>I eventually bust my nut 
>4/10 succ
>eventually make our way home
>never speak of it again 

Posted on Wednesday, October 12, 2016

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